


The One Where Itachi Has A Bad Time

by Filthdragon (Wayward_Dragon)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Casual Ableism, Child Abuse, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emetophobia, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pedophilia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Victim Blaming, Whump, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:39:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Dragon/pseuds/Filthdragon
Summary: Everything is as fine as it’s ever going to get.





	The One Where Itachi Has A Bad Time

**Author's Note:**

> Its Trauma Season so I wrote graphic darkfic to feel less dead lmao.  
> Itachi’s always getting the whump stick from me, I should toss angst at other people too.
> 
> This is pretty awful all the way through but if you want to feel sad, then here you go.

Itachi is eleven and dissociating after an ANBU mission.  
It was a bad mission.  
Orders are orders, and WEASEL obeys.

Danzo had called him to his warded office alone once per week by now. - _Mission report-_ , WEASEL signed when anyone asked.  
Hound looked at WEASEL a long time after getting that response before signing _-affirmative-_ like he wanted to say something more.  
WEASEL idly wondered if Hound knew about Danzo’s tastes.

WEASEL does not feel fear or disgust.  
WEASEL is only a tool through which orders flow.  
Itachi is terrified and wants to leave as Danzo turns on the security seal and pulls at the drawstrings of his clothes.  
WEASEL feels nothing at all as Danzo asks Itachi to unmask.  
WEASEL and Itachi are the same to Danzo, after all.

He is grabbed by uniform and told to cooperate.  
WEASEL goes slack and lets Danzo force himself into his mouth.  
Itachi knows fighting is not an option and wants to cry.  
WEASEL-Itachi just lets Danzo fuck him- coughing up bitter bitter liquid when he finishes.  
Danzo lets WEASEL regain his composure.  
WEASEL is too hot and too cold and all he can taste is disgusting bitter and he feels nothing at all.  
WEASEL wipes his mouth and is just happy He didn’t force him to swallow it.  
The mask returns and Danzo’s voice sounds almost content in the silence of the dark underground room, “Dismissed, Weasel.”

Weasel leaves and walks straight to the showers.

 

Itachi vomits in the toilet the second he locks the door behind him.  
Shaking, WEASEL methodically removes all of his armor and turns the water on near-scalding.  
He cries in the shower for an unknown amount of time before he hears Cat ask if he's alright in there through the door.

WEASEL calls back hoarsely, “Im fine.”

Itachi doesn't know what he is but it's probably not fine.

Cat makes a disbelieving noise, “Bad mission?” Cat doesn't know the half of it, and Itachi can't ever, _ever_ tell anyone.

The fallout would be catastrophic.

Itachi forces himself to respond hoarsely, “I don't want to talk about it.”  
He really, _really_ doesn't, either. Snow was terrible and he killed a whole fucking family there while Mouse stole something three blocks over.

Cat waits a moment before responding, “You have to get out of the shower sometime, and bandage any wounds you have. If you need help you can ask.”

WEASEL hears implied orders from a senior officer and shuts the water off. Methodically, he towels himself off, uses the bloodstained arm guard to flush the toilet and tosses all the uniform pieces into the laundry bag.  
He can still taste Danzo in his mouth.

He pulls out his stuff from his storage scroll and sets to brushing his teeth- hyperaware of Cat outside the door waiting for him. He can feel the concern and it. It hurts a little.

He nearly gags on the sensation of something in his mouth and carefully, forcefully relaxes. It’s just routine. Nothing bad in routine. He puts on his clothes mechanically, feeling numb and tired.  
So. So tired.

He then re-bandages the scrape on the side of his torso. It’s mostly healed, but it reopened in the searing water. With a sigh he puts his shirt on and stares into the mirror.  
His eyes are red-rimmed and the dark circles look especially prominent.  
Assembling himself a little more- he ties his Hitai-e back on, picks up his stuff, and opens the door.

 

Cat took his mask off, and Cat never takes his mask off.

Cat looks. Like a pretty average young adult with medium-length brown hair and dark eyes. He doesn't seem to know what to do with his face, either. His eyes are a little too wide and all of his reactions are slightly delayed.  
Cae tries for a concerned look and nearly achieves it. Nearly.  
Cat starts talking, “Ah- Itachi-kun, if you need to talk. About anything, you’re still Hound and I’s kohai.”

He thumbs his mask like he wants to put it back on again, “Either of us would be happy to help. You can talk to us,” He says this like it should have a double meaning, but not the one Itachi is familiar with, “Really. We've been in ANBU for a long time. If you need advice about- anything-” Cat flicks his gaze down the hall towards Danzo’s office, “We can help.”

Itachi still feels sick. He isn't sure if Cat Knows or suspects but Itachi knows he _can’t ever_ take him up on it ( _what is he supposed to say?_ ). But it’s an odd sort of comfort.

To know someone cares when Shisui _Shisui_ ** _Shisui_** is gone.  
That someone cares he is drowning in the weight of everything.

Itachi tightened his hold on the laundry bag, “Thanks, Cat.”

Cat shrugs awkwardly, “I’m just doing what Taicho did for me, a long time ago. Oh, and uh, you can call me Tenzo, too, if you want.”

Tenzo.  
Huh.

And here Itachi thought ‘Neko’ was the only label his senpai had.  
Itachi manages a weak smile.

 

When he gets home he doesn’t eat food doesn’t touch or greet anyone and just flops on his bed. He’s just. So tired.  
He dreams of nothing at all, but he wakes thrice in a cold sweat.  
Forcing himself to get out of bed in the morning when he hears Sasuke running down the hall, Itachi reassembles himself. _Not WEASEL, just Itachi_ , he repeats to himself over and over, ignoring the fact that the half a syllable difference isn't really even one at all, and the meaning is the same.

Heavily sweetened tea is all he can handle in the morning.  
Neither of his parents notice in the early-morning rush. Sasuke does- but Itachi distracts him enough with an offer of training after he gets home from the Academy that his precious wonderful little brother doesn't say anything.

 

WEASEL is called for another ANBU mission. It’s just guard duty for an official in the Daimyo’s court. Hound is there, and so is Mouse and Gecko. It’s almost nice, but Itachi cannot slip out of meals or hide the way some of his nightmares make him sick. Cat( _Tenzo_ ) sits with him until he stops shaking, but doesn’t ask and doesn't touch( _Itachi is so so_ **_so_ ** _grateful_ ).

Sometimes he tries to eat something and chokes on it now and all he can taste is _bitter bitter bitter_ and he digs his fingernails into his palm until it goes away. Hound doesn’t ask either, but telegraphs all his motions and makes Lizard take the more annoying patrol when he makes a comment about how long of a shower he was taking.

The concern was nice, but terribly uncomfortable.

 

Danzo still orders him to kneel and take off his mask six more times before the massacre. Each time gets a little easier to handle. WEASEL is used to being a tool. Itachi does not exist right now.

Everything is as fine as it’s ever going to get.

He gains a habit of barely eating anything that isn’t sweet or totally bland by the end of it and a worse one of scratching at his wrists to purge thoughts of the _visits_ from his mind. He manages to stop getting sick after nightmares so much, though.

 

He is thirteen when he gets his first erection and he sicks up in the hotel bathroom for the first time in over eight months about it. He takes an extra long shower, and if Kisame heard him he doesn't ask. Kisame is good like that. Never _once_ has he tried anything beyond the initial threat-posturing when they met. Never _once_ has he pried too much into any of Itachi’s habits.

Kisame doesn't ask about the bandages on his forearms either.

 

  
He is sixteen on the dot when he takes a blade to his skin instead of his nails to ground himself post-nightmare. He thought he shook the vomiting problem but he was retching in the bathroom of his quarters in the Akatsuki base and he presses slow red lines into his arms with a kunai until the flashback ceased. The feeling of disgust doesn’t go away, though.  
He rebandages himself and cleans himself up.  
He cannot show weakness here.

* * *

  
He is seventeen and back from the utter horror show in Konohana. Everything according to plan. Terribly, _terribly_ to plan. The ensuing nightmare features his father in the place of Madara and he is back to vomiting *again* after a nightmare and trying very hard to convince himself that never happened and never will. The fact that he unwillingly has an erection right now just makes everything _so much worse_ .  
He hears the door burst open while hes grounding himself and he startles- the kunai slashing deeper than he intended and veering off from the nice straight line it was.  
Hidan’s voice is far, far too loud and entirely unwelcome as he activates his sharingan and aims for menacing.  
He knows he only barely reaches pathetic.  
“The fuck you doing Uchiha, you look like shit!”  
Itachi growls as Hidan glances around, “Now what kinda suffer-party are you having in here, huh bitch? You didn't even invite me!”

Hidan grabs his bloody arm and squeezes a little, grinning when Itachi hisses in pain and swings his kunai at him halfheartedly.

“What, you cut yourself often enough to leave obvious scars but you don't want a little more suffering? Isn't that the point?”

Itachi pauses.

Considers.

Hidan makes a pleased noise when Itachi hesitates, “Now you get it, you pretty fuck! Embrace your masochism, heathen, and invite me next time, I swear I’ll make it hurt _real good_ !”  
Hidan's tone turns suggestive at the end and Itachi goes very, _very_ still.  
With a look Itachi can’t quite place, Hidan give his arm one more bruising squeeze before letting go.  
“Let's get you cleaned up, bitch. You’re crying like a pussy-ass schoolgirl in a bathroom in the middle of the night- you anorexic or something? That'd be a riot.”  
Itachi gives a baleful glare and slowly picks himself off the floor.  
With a hum, Hidan casually licks a strip of Itachi’s blood off his fingers and kicks the flush of the toilet.

Itachi grimaces a little- that's terribly unsanitary. Well. He’s just happy Hidan hasn’t noticed or chose not to comment on the slight _situation_ in his pants.  
Hidan rummages around in the cupboards before coming up with iodine, a needle and thread, and some bandages, “You’re a filthy heathen, but your suffering is so _incredible_ !”  
Almost conversationally Hidan drops, “You kill the sick fuck who did it?”  
Itachi flinches.

The only sound in the silence is the sound of water in the pipes and Itachi’s quiet, panicked breathing.  
Hidan Knows.

Itachi needs to hide.

Or kill him.  
He has secrets burned into his head, tongue, and chest and all of them are deadly poison. None of them can ever _ever_ be seen. He _cannot_ -  
“Hey! Hey! Uchiha calm the FUCK down! I didn't ask you about your village secrets or whatever!”  
Itachi can’t help himself and gives a little hysterical laugh, voice breaking a little, “No, that’s just it. It’s the _same thing_ .”  
Hidan pauses, “Well shit. Guess the answers' no then. I‘ll go back with you to kill ‘em all if you want? Rape is a sin.”  
That might be the sweetest thing Hidan has ever said in his entire life.  
Itachi flinches again all the same and bites his lip.

Because.

Because calling that rape hurts.  
He means. It’s not like he didn’t _know_ what rape is.

It’s just.  
It’s just he never really made the connection between ‘forced oral sex is rape’ and ‘Danzo forced me to give him a blowjob multiple times’ to end up with ‘I was raped’

He feels kind of dizzy.

He hears himself say, distantly, “The fallout would start a war.”  
Hidan cracks the seal on the iodine bottle, “UGH. Fuckin politics. Fucking damned villages,” he grabs Itachi’s arm again and holds it down, “This is going to hurt like a bitch.”  
It does.

Hidan makes a happy noise as Itachi clenches his teeth- taking measure breaths all the while.

Disinfectants always burn.  
Itachi grasps for something to fill the silence, “How. How did you know?”  
Hidan makes an inquiring hum and Itachi clarifies, “How did you know about…” Itachi can’t say it, “About that,” He finishes lamely.

Hidan huffs, “Only figured it out just now, but ‘m not fuckin stupid! Suspected for awhile, Kids don’t do sudden mass murder unless there's something wrong and you’re a twitchy shit, especially when seduction missions come up.”  
Logical, but the rising panic that _other people know too_ prevents him from doing more than jerkily nodding.

He runs it under the faucet after Hidan lets his arm up.  
With a sigh, he holds his forearm back out for Hidan to stitch up.  
It helps, maybe, that Hidan doesn’t _shut the fuck up ever_ .  
Give him something to think about that isn't _hidehidehidehide_.

“Damn don’t move, Uchiha! Needles fuckin _tiny_ . Kakuzu made me learn how to do this ‘cause he can't do it all the fucking time FOR me, apparently, so now I can stitch so _fucking well!_ -”  
Hidan cuts the thread with the kunai and pulls out the bandages.  
“No use suffering if you don't get the most out of it, so change your damn bandages daily, yeah?”

Itachi changes his damn bandages until he heals, and they don’t talk about the moment in the bathroom.

But if Itachi silently spends more time around Hidan and spars with him sometimes at night, it was no ones business but theirs.

* * *

 

 

Itachi was walking on a patrol with Konan one time when she suddenly started talking. “Ame was once under control of a man named Hanzo.”

Itachi knew this, but he kept silent. “He was a cruel man, and he did not curb his soldiers. Many of the original Akatsuki were the survivors of the families he brutalized.”

Konan absentmindedly produced a piece of paper and started folding it. “We created the Akatsuki in part so that the hurt would have a safe place, so that Ame could take revenge on those who hurt us, who hurt all the scared, lonely children of war.” Konan finished her origami flower, and placed it on the memorial they now stood next to. A memorial that already had a plethora of paper flowers and cranes set on and around it. “So that never again the system that took _and took_ and _kept taking_ from us, _from everyone_ , could hurt _someone else_.”

Konan traced the name ‘Yahiko’ lovingly. “Yahiko would have something nicer to say about our goals, about our resistance that he rallied up and made into a family. He was the best leader.”

Itachi looked over in surprise. He didn’t know the Akatsuki had a leader in the past other than Pein. Konan then turned and held eye contact with an unreadable expression, “We know Konohana is rotten to the core, and we’ll help you burn it down. You were thirteen, Uchiha-san, you don’t have to say your motives, but I think you know firsthand what _vile_ things people in power do, and what kind of revenge is necessary.”

Itachi can’t breathe. Did Hidan tell her? He can’t help but feel a little betrayed and violated. But, he _couldn’t have_ , because Konan. Konan seems to be implying- He manages to get out, “My _father_ didn’t-”

He hadn’t meant to say that that way. Fuck. Konan gives him a sad smile, “But someone did. And no one helped, so you had to do something.”

The smile turns brittle, “I know the feeling.”

Oh. Oh this is an awkward conversation.

Then Konan’s expression turns into grim satisfaction, “So you can be assured we will help you take care of it.” Itachi doesn’t know what to say to that.

Because this is the closest he has ever come to wanting to actually follow Akatsuki for real. He knows he's become compromised.

But.

But he doesn’t care.

He takes Konan’s outstretched hand.

* * *

 

Kisame covertly watches the kid sitting in front of him. When he first heard about Uchiha Itachi, he figured the kid was just crazy.

Sometimes people got like that in Kiri, they’d just snap and fly right off the handle after one too many missions and kill a few people before some stronger nin sat on them or killed them. It was especially a problem with the younger ones. One they got older they were less likely to crack.

And Itachi was one of the youngest s-rank missing nin on record _ever_ The Leaf might be soft, but they consistently churned out batshit missing nin so he supposed they just sucked at catching their crazy ones before they could snap.

Then he met the kid and it seemed like that really was it. Over the next year, though, after watching him behave, Kisame had to wonder.

The kid seemed pretty lucid.

But. But he did seem to have one of the worst cases of battle fatigue Kisame had _ever_ seen.

The kid had nightmares almost every night and sometimes got sick from them. He got a blank look in his eyes sometimes that let Kisame know he was just _not there_ right now. The kid was twitchy, poorly socialized, and no matter how calm and fancy his words were, he was a _fucking mess_ . Kisame had better hearing than people thought he did, and he _was_ a sensor.

Having shark summons did that. Sharks could sense electromagnetic currents in living creatures. It wasn’t chakra sense, but he could tell when Itachi moved around when he should be sleeping.

What really did it though, was the way Itachi showed up with injuries even though they hadn’t fought anyone. _Honestly_ , who did the kid think he was fooling?

 

Then came the time Pein assigned them a mission to go kill some yazuka and the guy had some little girls in his _tender care_.

Itachi blanked out for the whole day and Kisame had to wonder just what _was_ the motive behind The Massacre.

It was at that point when he started realizing the kid blanked out in a curious and deeply foreboding pattern. A pattern that looked more and more like The Massacre was just a desperate attempt to stop getting fucking abused. He wasn’t sure, and he wasn’t gonna ask to confirm it, but _fuck if it didn’t fit_.

Kisame grimaced. Kami, when he signed up to make the world stop being a _lying sack of shit_ he didn’t ask to be some traumatized kids’ guardian.

It really fucking sucked that the only model he had for taking care of traumatized kids who could mostly handle themselves was _fucking Zabuza_.

Well.

Guess he better get some parenting books then.

**Author's Note:**

> There is a part 2 that’s an AU of this where Itachi takes Tenzo up on his offer of help coming probably eventually.
> 
> Why Itachi sucks at lying in this? Itachi sucks at lying and recognizing lies in general.  
> And why everyone assumed he was being abused and then snapped and killed everyone for it? There are only so many plausible reasons why a 13 year old would kill their entire family. Especially if you know the kid isn't prone to bloodlust or fits of violence and witness them having regular trauma responses.
> 
> And yes, you can just not notice something that happened to you is capital A Abuse that you would recognize as abuse in others until someone points it out. And yes it does hit like a sledgehammer.


End file.
